This post will be uncomfortable.
This post is realistic.
This post will be unapologetic (as always.)
Women, men, and in-betweeners… I love you. You are not alone.
You are either reading this blog post because:
A) Curiosity killed the cat
B) You are a victim
C) Someone you love has been a victim
Either way, thank you for your time. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.
First, let us define the ugly and huge monster in the room: Rape. Rape is the minute, the absolute second, someone does not give consent to what you are doing. You are to stop immediately and not use any derogatory or guilt-tripping language. If the individual does not say “no”…… Pffttttt. Alright. I’ll make this as clear as possible:
If the individual does not say “no”, THIS DOES NOT MEAN “YES” FIGHT ME IF YOU BELIEVE OTHERWISE. SQUARE UP. RIGHT. NOW.
*cough* That’s the ESLV coming out of me. Anywaysssssss…. *cough* Back to business.
The statistics are real. Every 1 out of 5 women are victims of sexual abuse and rape. A family member may have been the perpetrator or attacker. Maybe a “close” friend.
Men, and my in-betweeners, I’m not forgetting about you either. There aren’t any solid statistics on this because society tends to believe this does not happen all around. Society is wrong. Rape culture is legitimate. I am telling you, you are not alone and I am here to guide you.
I swear by the universe that I will change rape culture. In some form, in some way, and it is because I love all of you. I will never wish such a heinous act on my worst enemy. I vow to all of my women, all of my family and friends, all of my victims. I vow to you that I will not stop fighting for you. This nasty woman has just started.
You may experience shock after the assault has happened. You are entitled to your emotions and your actions. We all react differently to trauma. Victims may enter survival mode; victims may seek immediate help from friends and family; victims may have gone for help through law enforcement and medical institutions. You do what you need to do, honey. Point blank. Next.
Because of rape culture, the process of opening up about such an earth-shattering moment is a traumatic event in itself. Your mother may blame you. Law enforcement will probe you for questions. The crisis team at the safe center will violate you all over again. They will basically become your gynecologist appointment. You will relive every moment of the event over, and over, and over, and over again. Healing will take a lifetime. It is an ugly process, but guess what? I am here for you. I am dedicated to helping you and so are many other organizations, friends, family, co-workers, support groups, medical staff, etc. Utilize your resources. Here’s how: (In no real specific order, my love. Do what you feel is right.)
- Receive counseling from hotlines.
The person on the other line will hear you out and this is completely anonymous. They will direct you to a safe center and this is a step that is time-sensitive. The hotline will direct you to the nearest hospital.
2. Safe centers
You must go to a safe center within 72 hours of the event. This step is absolutely traumatic, however, necessary. The safe centers will accommodate your needs. Sage recommends getting checked out and collecting the evidence. The safe center will hold all the proper evidence for when you want to press charges against your assailant. The safe centers provide contraception, STD preventive medication, a social worker, legal counsel among other things. This step is horrifying because like I mentioned before, you will feel violated and you will relive the event again. The sooner you do this step, the more probability your case will be solved, but you have 72 hours. That is your window. Please use it.
3. Receive support from your open-minded family, friends, affiliated religion, professors, counselors, workplaces.
Man, this step will be uncomfortable too because this will break their heart. They will jump to conclusions because they are angry, upset, and in shock. Tell who you need to tell. Tell the people who will cushion the pain, not people who put another pin in your cushion. Keep people who are emotionally capable around. Not narcissists, not people who do not believe in rape culture, not people who will victim-blame you. People who victim-blame you are part of the rape culture. Fuck them. Point blank…
YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR ACTIONS.
next and final.
My vow is set in stone.
Rape culture prevails in media, language, the legal system, workplaces, education institutions, and behind closed doors in a house. A home is different from a house.
I have just created a personal email to answer your questions and advice. First, go to my contact tab and submit your questions/concerns/comments then we will proceed. You are never alone.